VS

heaven.

home is no longer my heaven.
life is just a mess recently.quarrellings with my mum and i switch on my silent mode always, not to worsen the situation. no waving goodbye-no smile-no greetings.invisible.I dont feel good.i feel bad and its deteriorating. unstable emotion makes me feel dizzy and i hope i can just faint over it.i choose to blame the weather for the a.c-mood.of course, with such a situation, i cant stop running through life.PPS is my only drug to survive.

Home is my everything.thats the reason i feel bad about this. i cant deny that there are fews more things bothering me.Not good in school also.quite stressed up for the coming trial exams.by the way, im officially retire from all the poses which i have hold for almost three years. Firstly, sudden release of jobs and tasks just make me feel so insecure. i wish to stay free. so it dont bother me at last.and now a sudden take-back jobs make me feel crazy again.now only i know how much im scared of paper-work.but i miss them at the same time.

trigonometry drives me mad. its difficult. Listened to what Mr Cheong said, he told us to follow our own pace. Everyone has different pace and we will walk our own.feel glad to hear that:)

Ironic.

Sadness VS Happiness.

Two more days for my birthday. Having marching session during meeting. ha! long time dont have the feeling of sweatpouringaway*so much feeling. its nice. Wei yu's birthday is the day before. So, im geting the committes for the celebration with members.Mr Lai's birthday is the day after and so do Snr Soon Yong En.wow, 3 in a row. Busy dealing with them ,running to get Mr Lai and all that. and it does take me by surprise when they celebrate my birthday together. Sweet.
Frankly, a scene keeps on flowing in my mind. U should see how GRAND the ceremony is until all members are rushing to Mr Lai and line up to make a path for him to receive the present. A sign of relief from me. Because im touched by the way they give the seniors and committes their commitments by running sincerely for Mr Lai.i salute for that although i will run too if im a member lar~

and after that, im blank when i have the honour to receive my cute present form my previous camp group.im their facilitator. im rooted on the spot until i dont rmb i need to react. and now i cant remember what have i said and do already. touched for the appreaciation and concern.i feel the love is on the air. A cute teddy bear and a big card.hmm.i dont know how they know i like this kind of thing .maybe im too girlish.but i guess i love the card more:)

At night, attend my grandma's birthday party. my aunt is the one who keeps everyone bonded.in such a lonely night( i describe darkness as lonely)im sure our hearts are with each others, appreciating every single moment.my dad is not good in expressing, but his concern to this huge family is more than anyone else. (He is the eldest)Guys are all like that, but i guess my dad has the worst one. Thank god he chooses my hypreactive and too-good in socialise-mum as his soul mate. She helps him alot regarding this. my mum always scolds me for being too kind-hearted to either friends or elder ppl.she said im always the one who pay more, do more, sacrifice more and i get the least in return.i inherit this from her actually. She is far more serious in this too-kind-hearted-problem.she always feel pity for others and she gives tuition for free to some students.and many other uncountable ones. im proud she is a teacher although sometimes i doubt her skills.(secretly).Happy birthday song is sang by us.my grandma drops her tears and two rows of mine flow at the same time.
....

Today is international run. haha.i manage to get myself a cetificate:) thats my aim to run actually.Jia Min will get mad over this, she dont like things to be done with no sincere heart but with this kind of purpose. Have go through so many things this year with jia min.But we never show how much we appreciate each other, thats what a friend means sometimes.we dont feel bored even we dont have anything to communicate at all.meet some old primary friends. i love who i have become now, i greet them with a smile or a wave.im more friendly and outgoing. i cant imagine how i survive through the six years with only two friends around me.and i dont talk to others AT ALL .passive.


but then, i m sick of socialising now.its tiring somehow and i dont have the mood to start a communication topic.


Anyway, i love my life no matter what.
i just need some time to get over pissed-off-feeling.and i need a painkiller by my side.
It will be a heaven, again. i never doubt this.

PS : looking forward for my birthday.i will turn s-e-v-e-n-t-e-e-n officially. A tight hug with a happy birthday greet will be enough to warm my day.

Special thanks to

Kho mun Yee

Chai Pui Xin

and my scarlet group:)