=)

well.here i am again/wondering where should i start again.

Many things happen as usual.heees,life is just soo wonderful although the weather sucks alot.it makes my mood swings too much until i couldnt handle my feelings well. I take things emotionally,well,its already a too common thing for my friends to realise this.everyone know this, i guess.and sometimes the feelings are eating me up inside.

Its odd.pei suen keeps on asking me whether im doing good or do i need any help.well,im still abit tensed up recently but not as much as the past.Somehow, i dont actually know what is happening between us or actually he is the one who is stressed up?haha, btw he is always as caring as usual and that makes me like him so much.erhem,i know what is in ur mind again>,< lazy to explain. always think that he will be the one who keeps me from falling, his enthusiasm always makes me so stunned. today he asks me whether im agree with him : he wants to record down Pn Jacqueline's lesson.i mean we will use a recorder.heeees* and u know i will always support creative actionss.when u are determined enough, u will find different ways just to push urslef to a higher level.OH Lord,and surely i support him and we both talk to teacher.hahaha she is sooo shocked like hell and unfortunately she rejected us.well,its okay for me.but the way pei suen brings up this idea makes me think alot.i used to do this kind of insane-crazy which i label as different things during st john timess,and why cant i just apply in my studies?and he can do this ,why cant i?

okay.two days to my birthday.i actually dont wish to say any single word about this but the feelings inside me is killing me and i have to express.its abit showing off if i talk to anyone else beside me and they will think that i demand presents from them.sooo what i can do is express through words. i think my eighteen-year-old birthday means alot to me for i dont-know-what-reason.perhaps im an officially an adult now,hmm,at least i can go clubbing.hehe.anyhow i m afraid.i mean it im afraid of the passing of time.its like my soul get emptier and emptier as the time goes.well,its complicated, im looking forward at the same time, wishing to get blessings from others. a few of my friends keep asking me to organise a birthday-hang-out which is our norm in bullshit club.ohh that bunch of friends.feel so touched with that, but guess what,im sooo lazy to organise this,and for the past few days or weeks, i just feel soo lazy to even envisage about my birthday.crazy huh?it should be my big day, i thought.but im just tooo tired to even put on thinking cap.soo scared of my brain cells to lose any of the damn sucking biology facts which i have been trying so hard in squeezing into them. im indeed insane.and the truth is ,im the one who make myself so insane.oopss and at the same time.im nervous.so nervous of that big day which falls on a school day.sometimes,i just dont know how to react if people just come and wish me.but surely i want them to do so. i conclude everything with the word : COMPLICATED.i dont even know what should i expect,or what should i feel,what should i do,how should i react.

chai yan asked me what is the thing that i want the most deepest in my heart.and guess what : memories. i sincerely want that.haha but of course,i demand some presents from my dearest chai yan which i strongly believe she will buy for me although she refuses to do so.hees* a watch and nail polisher.hehehehehe.she will and if she doesnt i will kill her. ok, yi shen them forgot my birthday and erhem.it shocked me.hahahaha,pls dont judge me with this,because we as best friends usually just announce our upcoming birthday to each others as we are already so closed enough.its good. but sometimes there is a lacking of surprise.erhem.well, frankly speaking,i really wish something can pop up without my conscious and surely this will touch my heart..im trained to be always prepared for any sudden change of situations or circumstances since my st john times,so when anything comess, i can just handle it with a truly peaceful heart which i thnk there are some disadvantages in this.Too ready always until we dont feel surprise no matter what pops up.that is why i wish something could trigger my nerve cells in this again.see, i really have lotsa things to talk about.anyhow,im not expecting anyhting for my birthday,as i know friends will always stay beside me no matter what=)

ohya,tomorrow is my usst koko meeting.okay,i have to admit im looking forward for this sooo much although i know i will feel my nervousness tomorrow.hees *again, i like this kind of exposure.always have cravings to try new things and this is the one!may God bless me always,to not talk crap tomorrow as i always do so>.< hope everything runs smoothly although i m not afraid of problems.dont be afraid of problems,welcome it.and when u have conquer the fear, there is nothing for us to be afraid of and that is so-called COURAGE,which is lacking in many ppl. proud of myself to have conquer this.and im not afraid of crowds anymore since form 3.all i can say is we learn from experiences and we get used to it in the end. Now we are not afraid of public speaking,its just nervous for not performing well.hees*but i will only think of this at the last minute.everything can be done without fear=)

wow,so long.thought to continue scribbling but the length is unbearable for me even for myself as the writter.hahaha.

im always blessed, i acknowledge that and i know im always the lucky one. i love this world, and everything around me.

Words cant bring me down=)

I am beautiful in every single way.