Many things keep flooding me since the exam for this year ends.isssh,perhaps God wants me to stop thinking about the crappy saddening sucky resultss things.i cant help thinking of it, making myself choked with severe heart-bleeding.hmmm, skip that. u know what, im so longing for a peaceful one where i can stay back in class after school, doing things that i love.haha.i actually can have it,but its my basic nature to nod my head whenever ppl ask me to do them a favour.ohhhhhhh, just rmb, i have to be the MC for hari anugerah.argggggggggggggh, the script!!!and its my very first time to pick up this kind of selling-voice job.....wuwu, im actually posses a very strong courage,its just u always know my speed of talking is soooooooo fast and now u want me to talk slow and steady.such a big challenge is really=.= challenging huh? im afraid of nothing, its just i hope i can play my role well. my voice shakes.
arggghhh.watever it is ,back to the graduation night, erhem, i thought lower 6s performances are creative enough which they really shock me with a lot of last-minute-added dance,but mr tan said we are not as creative as last year=.=!!wow, i couldnt imagine how upper sixes prepared for the dance last year, the video they made for graduation night are reallly insane good.soooo awesome until i keep on asking : how did they do that>>the F1 class took soooooo many photossss just to make them into an action video,the sacrifices are really so touching, i know i cant do that until such extreme.u know what, most of the videoss are done by guys actually. start to wonder how would it be when it comes to our turn.sometimes, perhaps they would say girlsss shouldnt rely on guyss, well,its what im doing now actually, i always believe girls can rule the world instead of guys, but they dont understand sometimes, guys possses something that girls dont have.there are always differencesss in between this two opposite sexes,and guys always appear to be strong and steady and the basic nature of a girl is no matter how strong she appears to be out there, she still always needs support from guys. if u analyse precisely, u can always see the difference in girls' support and guysss'.
hmmm, my mood swingsssss a lot,always if u know me very well. well, chai yan knows this the best.and im glad no matter how crazy,insane and annoying i am, she can always bare with me. congratulation that she just accomplished her sixth form big mission in a very good way,well, she does show-off to me, ( we always do that subconsciosly as it is too normal ) and i guess recently im sooo stubborn that i dont actually want to hear any success story of her. it makes me feel very bad somehow and i feel like what have i done? again, comparison kills.and for both of us, we always know that we lead different styles of lifes where we couldnt compare in this way. hmmm, its just we used to share the same aim,same mission, same destination although we always use different ways to complete our jobsss.and now i feel like we are abit of drifting apart, as we no longer share the same aim. maybe u couldnt understand it, but we always know that same mission gel people together,its the most important factor. watever it is, i have faith in our friendship, i know u didnt change, its me who have changed alot this year.,still in a state of swinging.
hmmmmm, im happy that i have moved on.what the hell to immerse in the past, if u couldnt changed it ( i mean my sucky results) if u start to wonder is it a relationship or what=.=haha. sometimes i really salute myself for the perserverances in me. its really tiring to fall down, struggle and stand up again, but i always believe success is waiting for me. however,when i start to believe success comes from hardworksss,people around always prove that i m wrong with their so-good-results without much efforts being put.its really frustrating !!!!! anyway, im not going to argue about hardworkss-or-not,or afraid of people saying me hardworking or what ( because always end up hardworking but BAD results which is soooo shameful frankly ) well, hardworking is a negative word for me - that means putting hardworks without good results in the end, but what i want to do is to hold on to ' success comes from hardworkss' .. I M NOT U,not as clever as u, or as smart as them .or..... i just want to have faith in this quote and believe in those historical herossss , great inventorssss, world leaderssssss . i know there are many failuresss behind their successs.
..erhem, anyway, im eighteen, and i thought i should really start dating again? im so-not-in the mood of starting such kind of boys-girls-relationship, perhaps studies have taken away all my interest, but whenever i see those sweet couplesss and those-ready-to-be-made lovebirdsss, ........plus all that they feel the chemistry but want to remain the current situation., all types of connections.. i start to feel some jealousy perhaps?hmm, u know im not interested to start, i dont like to be labelled as ' TAKEN' on my forehead and limit my circle of friends. haha, its childish to think this way right, but i always feel the gap of friendship between an 'in-a-relationship' friend with me. i m worried to cross the line,its kind of dangerous. im so possesive in the way that my friendship love is too extreme i guess. i want attention, everyone wants it but i know i always want more T.T ,even from just a simple friend. im such pathetic right? haix.
whatever it is, dear God, i will stay strong with ur support and love .i have faith in you and i know u will always give me the best thing ever. thanks for pulling me up whenever i see darkness around and also thanks for letting me struggle where i start to grow from there.
sweet voice.
i hope=)
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