So its exactly one week after trial. hmm, weird feeling. Our test papers were distributed back to us as usual. The scariest moment, okay, i wasn't doing good this time, but not as bad as last time, a little improvement which i wasn't satisfied with the progression at all. felt like everyone was improving fast and i was at my snail pace. real slow. With the genius sitting beside me, she did give a lot of pressure to me at times. You know she always gets high marks in every subject, where she said she didn't put enough efforts in that. well, she didn't burn midnight oil. okay, i think too often zhi qing and me try to follow her, imitate the way she does things. So fed up eventually, perhaps her method doesn't really fit us. i just want to be myself.

So two months to go for the arrival of real STPM. was so nervous and disappointed for the past few days, really felt like giving up. sometimes, i just hope those who got real high marks and those who are quite stable already to shut up, they couldn't understand how have we struggled every time our hard works isn't paid off.  The dying moment when you just didn't know what went wrong, what happened to those practices you have been doing so long time. Wrong method perhaps. Form six is a real tough stage.everyone struggles so much,for so long just to yield the fruits in the end.

Just got up from desperation again, Injected myself with positive mindset again. Yes, again and again. But then no point giving up at this time, all we can do is to strive for our last shot again, i hope things will land beautifully in the end. Still have faith in myself, you know i can brainwash myself quite well. so let's try again, sweetheart.

okay, yuan yi was quite worried of me these days, she said i started off my engine too early, she said i was pushing myself too hard. perhaps, but then i found it ridiculous, i think i haven't even kicked the ball rolling. i guess people put in more efforts than me, so i want to try working harder and harder. Seriously, don't ever stop me when i have made a decision. i dislike people trying to pull me down although they might come with sincerity. i really really want to be better, so badly, want to shine, so desperately. please just let me be.